sometimes i dont know anymore.
this rant space faces me again
subject to the nuances of life, the nitty gritty, the ups and downs
having to watch existences flow by
having to hold you
having you hold back
but you always held back

all the things i ll never understand
all the things i never want to feel
come flooding back, in waves, in cycles
as if i walk in a labyrinth that has no exit
and only leads back to the start point

another sad song rings in my ears
sometimes i simmer in the solace of this sadness
a kind of twisted companionship
brought about
by the suffering of another
so we are friends, through our shared misery
what kind of demented shit is that anyway.

something about the late afternoon sun
it touches lovers on their backs
falls onto their intertwined hands
i sit behind the stained glass windows
my world through tinted lenses
the golden rays do not reach me.

another chord, another note, another missed moment
so solid in your right
the raw emotion in your voice as you ask me
if im okay
but i know you ll never look this way
where the wind blows, you ll go,
and that destination,
that destiny,
will never be me.

fall asleep, slam a wall
what do you expect
grand openin, grand closin
sit on a concrete wall by the subway
beanie on my head perhaps
sigh,
readjust my position, shift ass, shift hands, tilt head, think
stare at the holes in my ripped jeans
hair masks an eye
if only blindness from this reality was a reality

just.
one last time.