final destination.

i did another amv, please do check it out :3 and comment.
id be thankful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB8jte99h_A
sorry for the quality...

this will be my last post before i leave for china. will be back on 8/3.
to all the people i love out there, do take care.
that includes you who s reading this.


gootbye.

-kamineko

i forgot to apologise to chen xi.
so im gonna do it here.

im sorry for throwing you into the wall >_>
it happenned like this.
I was running with chen xi at full speed and i was holding her hand cause i had to drag her along.
we were running to the art room.
then suddenly i heard mrt s voice.
and i got shocked. as usual.
so i suddenly stopped running.
and chen xi was still running at full speed.
so
i ended up throwing chen xi at the wall(no piak sound thank god)

it was dam epic afterwards.
she was like
WHY YOU FLING ME INTO THE WALL

oh well XD
im gonna avoid him from now on.
he probably finds it strange.
like, ive been showering him lotsa affection at the start.
and suddenly im gonna stop like this.
oh and wing, i have one more bet.

you probably bought something for him and told him not to tell anyone that you gave something to him.
this i bet, applies to the octopus keychain.
you know, if we actually betted with money, i wouldve earned abt 40 bucks by now. plus the above one if ive got it right. $10 per bet XD

oh well.
the last time i talked to him
i think i made him disappointed.
his expression changed after i mentioned 'another teacher'.
cause i gave him and lao shi something.
but he was strange.
straightaway he was like
"who else? mr lim?"
i smiled.
then i left.
it s weird for him to suspect that i ~ to mr lim.
but anyway
who cares about his opinion now.
not me.
it was the first time i walked away first.
usually im the one who ends up staring at his disappearing back.
this time, i left him to do the job.
sleek move, sista'.
im proud of myself for that.
TASTE PAIN YOU ASSHOLE.
okay. maybe not pain.
but at least confusion.

i think he s just full of ego.
that s disgusting.
but men have alot of ego.
so nevermind.

going to china; dont text :3
will miss you peepzxc.

-kamineko

apparently my mixpod has disappeared to god knows where and apparently im having problems loading the mixpod homepage =..=
mixpod dear, youre gonna get it from me.
------------------------------------

i fell on my ass again.
it was raining.
and i was wearing slippers.
no, they were not oversized.
but the sole of the slippers were totally flat.
no friction.
stepping on granite was fine,
but when i stepped on the tiles of the community centre when i was going for tuition, i fell on my ass again.
dam.
and i was wearing the black dress which was kinda short.
hope no one saw anything :/

then when i got up, my knee kinda flopped, i skidded and crashed against the wall.
at least i didnt fall on my ass again.
if my ass had a brain, id apologise to it.

after tuition, i fell again.
i think im cursed.
this time, i fell on my knee in the marriage proposal pose and grazed it.
it s kinda swollen now.
it didnt bleed,
but it throbbed.
dammm...
see la pris you nvr come.
at least i couldve grabbed onto you and hopefully pulled you down with me.
oh well.
i curled my hair last night and went to tuition with the curls.
you shouldve seen it.
they were temporary curls, so it s gone now.
i remember the smell of my hair burning(?) when my aunt curled it for me.
oh well.
---

they shifted the vending machine.
to a block nearby.
no more groaning.

-kamineko

2 days back it was raining as i walked out of school.
i was wearing the extremely oversized nike track shoes which i was supposed to wear for internationalisation.
it was raining; the metal drain covers were extremely slippery.
then i slipped =..=

fell hard on my ass,
dropped my poor darling tpc
(but nvm it has a hard skull so it didnt die or anything)
and my ass hurt for 2 days.
it s better now;
if you were gonna ask if my ass is okay.

when i fell i said "oh god".
it was an unexpected reaction when i thought about it
cause i thought id say summin like
"oh shit"
"oh crap"
"oh damn"
"oh screw"
or
"oh f*" (and yes sometimes i do curse)

ohhh well.
~~~

the asshole government decided to install a vending machine right outside my house. a few days back i walked out of my house at 6.25 am in the morning and POP! there it was.
it s really bright >_>
and sometimes it groans.
no wonder i thought the night before why there were groaning sounds outside my house.
it s kinda creepy.
sometimes it sounds like a fart in slow mo.

okay.
this was an extremely rambly post.


-kamineko
(btw thanks pris for #102. but im still gonna cram my feelings up in a box. :3)
------------------------------------------

[Where'd you go? ]

[I miss you so, ]

[Seems like it's been forever, ]

[That you've been gone.]

[I'm trying so hard to smile, why cant you just help me on?]

i just realised that all my posts are like...
poem-y format
o..o

through the eyes of my aunt, i see how she sees him.
i listened to her distort him
the image that i had of him
she took it
twisted it
trampled on it
and left me stunned.

but i see now
how i was so dumb to have done so much
and yet,
you may consider it little in comparison

but i see now
the true person that he may be
we re not the only ones
he just basks
he just plays around
with our feelings
with our minds

the roots around me have loosened
im untangling myself soon.
one day
i ll return to you
i ll return to where i belong
where i came from.

and no
this is not angst.

like eugh why did he even do that for @__@

Chicken Soup for the Troubled-by-Zoom Soul

It s not your fault
It s mine.

Im gonna try to be happier.
Im gonna try and make my Crescent life worthwhile,
Even though I hated it alot at the start,
Simply because I tasted the life of being a loner
Of walking alone.

But im used to that fact now.
And yet, this loner life gives me experience.
Ive learnt from it.

Friendship and company,
Doesnt come to you when youre sitting down all day
Sleeping,
Not bothering to talk to others.

You gotta get up.
You gotta move around.
You gotta move about.
Socialise.

And hopefully, if i can make more close friends,
I wont be so emo.
I ll forget about him faster.
You ll see the brighter side of me.

It s not your fault.
It s mine.
It was me who fell for him in the first place.

You know, thinking back,
Maybe if I didnt ask you to accompany me that much when I went to look for him,
You wouldnt have liked him at all.
In that way.
You know what I mean.

So, going in circles,
The blame is still on me.

I think
Ive found out the answer too.
As to why I dont want to fight.

It s because,
Im the one who brought it upon you.
So why should I fight you?

It s the same as going to a shop with a friend that happenned to be following you.
You stole something,
And you got caught.
And just because
Just because
That friend was with you,
She ll get into trouble too.

That s how it is.

So here,
Im trying to untangle myself from the mess
I got us both into.
Maybe you enjoy the mess ive gotten you tangled in.
I dont know.

But...
Yeah.
This is basically the reason.
Ive solved part of my questions,
Got part of my answers.

Besides, theres plenty of other guys in this world.
Im determined,
To fight for my true other half
When the time is right.
When I grow up.
But that time,
Is not now.

I know,
That you know,
That we both know,
That we all know,
That theres no way we can end up with him anyway.

You wanna make it worthwhile.
I can understand that.
But...
You know,
If I actually fought back,
You,
I,
Wouldve gotten stressed out.
Over him.
Over how to win his attention.
Over how to win his heart.

We d be wasting time on that.

If I didnt fight,
You wouldnt need to rack your brains for ways,
To get yourself stuck in his brain,
To make sure theres only you in there,
And not me in his head.

So...
Im sorry okay?
For dragging you into this shit.


-kamineko

[and pris, i hope this answers some of your questions. if u read my blog tag leh D: dont diam diam i wont know one]

exactly how much do adults understand about us?
they were us.
once.
our age, our thinking, our level of maturity.


now,
if you have a bad day,
who cares about being polite.
who cares about having manners.
Id shrugged at my aunt when she asked me about the origins of the word -dong xi- in chinese, meaning east and west if you translated it directly. the real meaning when you use -dong xi- in a sentence would mean 'stuff''.
As in -wo yao qu mai dong xi-, meaning ' i wanna go buy stuff'.
so my aunt asked me -why do you think it s 'dong xi'?-
i gave her some of my opinions.
she told me to think harder; to put on my thinking caps.
i sighed.

"i have better things to think about," i said.
i was being honest.
there was pt to be done, there was math which id missed to worry about, there was a chinese compo to stress myself over.
you think id care about the origins of some chinese word at this time?

" im pissed off at your attitude. i do so much for you and this is how you behave?" she struck back.

honesty, i learnt a few years back, isnt always the best policy.

" i want you to reflect and think about your attitude and come to talk to me later." she continued.

ass.

did you bother to find out that ive been having a bad day?
you just go around
telling me off
thinking everything is sunshine and rainbows for me
and you think id purposely put on an attitude for you to claw back at me?

you say,
you say,
youre having it hard.
if youre having it hard now
at this time
this generation
this wretched generation
in this wretched world

have you ever thought
what s to become of us
when we reach your age?

i say,
i say,
if youre having it hard,
if youre having it hard now
at this time
this generation
this wretched generation,
what will we be facing when we re at your age?

youd be gone by then
we d be facing the world
youd be in a land of mist
time wouldve passed you long ago.


all you can do now
is throw your piss at me?

shouldve.

i shouldve treasured life in pri sch so much more
shouldve talked more to the people i didnt talk much to
shouldve kicked xiao yu s ass for priscilla's
shouldve made an effort to bring xx back
shouldve spent more time with jy
shouldve told yellow i liked him earlier
shouldve teased zt more
shouldve pissed zc off more
shouldve confessed to zombie
shouldve appreciated mr hao for what he did
shouldve made mr ng happier
shouldve gave mrs yip something on teachers day
shouldve ran more during PE
shouldve ate more nuggets in old new town
shouldve played more 'crocodile'
shouldve splashed around more in the flood in old new town
shouldve laughed more when the notes pris and i threw to each other flew out of the 4th storey window.
shouldve written more journal entries in the books
shouldve did more plum in pooland comics
shouldve known lourdes earlier
shouldve drawn mohmoh a kaname before she moved on to joon
shouldve tried to talk to brandon more
shouldve basked in the glory of being best in english and art
shouldve poked qianying more
shouldve done a better job as a prefect
shouldve gotten shelly to donate more sweets to me
shouldve took a photo with mrs chiang before she left
shouldve chatted about black holes with abhilash and ajay
shouldve joked more with mrs tan
shouldve thanked mrs ong for what shes done for me
shouldve thanked mr tan wan yuen for introducing us to spirited away
shouldve treasured the smell of old new town s staff room
shouldve sneaked into new new town's staff room more
shouldve done a better job decorating the stage in p6 before i left
shouldve studied harder
shouldve gotten more edusave awards
shouldve achieved more eagles awards
shouldve loved art club sessions more
shouldve done better for the ceramics
shouldve hid more in the toilets to escape mr kannan's recess punishments

shouldve gave more
shouldve learnt more
shouldve treasured more
shouldve laughed more
shouldve made the people around me laugh more
shouldve cared more
shouldve loved more.

it wont change anything no matter how much i do for him.
he ll still prefer you.
cause im uglier :3
face the fact.

thats also one of the reasons why i dont think i need to fight.

the one day when this whole thing will finally be settled is when one of us really, really stops liking him.

the answer's that simple.

until then, we can share him.

unless you dont want to.

whatever answers you have towards this, im not gonna fight.

what s the point of fighting?

whats the point of fighting with you?

whats the point of fighting with you when i dont even know what im fighting for?

whats the point of fighting with you when the cruel reality is that we arent gonna end up dating or marrying him anyway?

he probably thinks of us as irritating children who like to pester him.

im gonna take it as part of life. the time when i fight for love will be the time when im ready for love and the responsibility itself.


and... i dont think ive cared much about your feelings either so... im sorry.

how can i believe you? trust you?

today when our eyes met

as i walked past the table

i couldnt tell what you were thinking

i wonder if youre worrying about it.

but now as i hear you laughing

just as id been wondering if you...


i dont think you care about how i feel.

do you?

I had a strange dream last night.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





It was dark and I was treading on some mossy forest floor, my surroundings drowned in moonlight. All I could see were pine trees and the dark shadows of the forest. The moon hung overhead, like a silent follower as I walked forward. I was wearing some white, ghostly, floating dress thing. It was sleeveless and somewhat... glittery.





Then i saw this huge tent in the middle of a clearing. It was dark pink and magneta and looked old. But i went towards it nonetheless.





Inside the tent, it was pitch black and stuffy. Crates piled up from the floor all the way up to the peak of the tent, in all directions. I weaved my way through the crates, exploring. As I turned a corner, I saw dim blue light pouring out from behind some crates ahead; and throwing all caution to the wind, I went towards the light source, and this was what I saw.



In the centre of a small circle of crates, sat an old lady at an ancient wooden table. My eyes fell upon a blue crystal ball, which sat on a piece of black cloth upon the middle of the table, emanating the dim light. The old woman had her silver hair tied up in a bun, and she was donned in a dark green dress with lace at the edges. A grey shawl wrapped itself tightly around her shoulders. The old woman looked up as I approached, raising her eyebrows, adding more wrinkles to her already wrinkled face.

With mild caution, I pulled out the empty chair opposite hers and sat down.
We stared at each other for a long time.
I felt the pulse of the blue crystal on the table.
I felt the old woman's eyes piercing through me like the wooden stick that pierces through fishballs on a fishball stick.
Her aura was imposing, squashing against me with the might of train commuters during peak hours.

Finally, she spoke.




"Would you give 10 years of your life if I could tell you who your one soulmate is?"

I blinked.


-kamineko

Last time, in primary school, there were so many guys. Even if you liked a guy, you wouldnt have to worry about competition.... Simply because the chance of another girl liking the same guy is very low. And the chance that one of your close friends would like the same guy you like is even lower.

But in secondary school, in a girls' school... Where guys are....
Scarce,
What happens when a close friend of yours likes the same guy that you like?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This year, ive been exposed to a new emotion ive never felt so strongly before:


jealousy.

so this is how it really feels like.
and knowing that the close friend is a much more fun person to be with on the overall...

should i change my personality?
no... it wouldnt be me anymore.

ever since the start of this year, ive been feeling more angry, frustrated and depressed at myself rather than being happy.
it s so tiring.
but the worst thing is...




it hurts.
badly.
and i know that if her feelings for him become really...
solid,
it s gonna hurt even more.


im not prepared for it.

Im sorry.

YOU IDIOTIC RELUCTANT CASHEW NUT.

im getting goosebumps now, just thinking about what ive smsed him. Brrl. The following font in italics represent my thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
him [monday, 10:39p.m.]: Happy bday :)
me [tues, 2:04pm]: haha thanks. Eh wait wait wait. Did you get bribed by someone to wish me happy bday? =..=

him [4:59pm]: Nope. I just suddenly remembered last night.

me [5.14pm]: Ah okay then I wont be taking back my thanks XD Can you help me fulfil a bday wish? ;P

I FEEL LIKE A FLIRTING ASS.

him [5:20pm]: Huh?

me [5:29 pm]: Hah a neutral reply. When is YOUR bday??? O_oll

I tried doing an evil face but failed so i decided to settle on the O_oll

him [5:31 pm]: Coming soon :)

Note how fast he replies from now onwards XD WHICH IS A MIRACLE.

me [5:32 pm]: Eh here not movie theatre la what coming soon.
Exact date. Exact.

him [ still 5.32 pm]: Go find out :)

Put so many smileys for what. Idiot. You think this is National Smiling Day issit.

me [5.34 pm]: Eee how? Bribe you issit. Wont work one. Okay. Clue. Which month?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From here on i lazy type le. Anyway he dowan say D:


Bakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


-kamineko